Conviction

noun: the state of being convinced

I marched through March thinking about conviction and bringing clarity to vision.

Currently, I lack conviction.

I don’t write this to seek pity or reassurance. It is a diagnosis, not an indictment. Its absence revealed by flashbacks to moments in my life where I experienced glimpses of conviction. Like when I decided that I was going to study abroad in Italy, or get the work rotation in Germany, or find a way to succeed at Google after bombing my first sales quarter.

I’m not sure I want to be a freelance writer. I like working with clients, I like getting paid to write, I like when clients finish working with me and are happy. But LLMs (Large Language Models) are very quickly changing what it means to be a freelance writer. There is a whole slab of work that will soon be automated. And instead of thinking “no matter what, I’m going to thrive in this environment!” the question that’s been running around in my mind has been “What am I doing here? Did I just jump into quick sand?”

Conviction

Conviction is the ability to take action compelled by an ineffable force in spite of fear. This force unites heart and mind so that they lock eyes, hold hands, and jump together into the abyss.

Conviction is not the same as finding your vocation or calling. It's not the secret ingredient to "finding your passion." Conviction is a way of moving through life. It is the bias to operate from a place of high agency, a default to thinking "what if this goes right?", and turning "coulds" into "musts" without guilt or punishment.¹ It holds you accountable through internal commitment rather than external pressure. If you've found your vocation, then you are more likely to have convictions; but they are cousins, not twins.

We are drawn to those who live with conviction. They speak passionately about their interests—not as hobbies, but as vessels for expression and purpose. They lean into their quirks and compulsions, not caring for the opinions of others. They might come across as one-dimensional to observers, but this is actually profound focus; like sculptors, they chip away everything nonessential from their lives, transforming raw marble slabs into meaningful works of authenticity.

When I was thinking of conviction this past weekend, I thought about these individuals:

I thought about Craig Mod, a writer and photographer I discovered recently.² Craig gained prominence from his monk-like walking regimen (dozens of kilometers a day, no headphones, no social media). Through thousands of miles walked in Japan, he cultivated "creative boredom," walking 50km/30mi per day, chatting with strangers along the way, and concluding each day by writing a 2,000-3,000 word blog post. He did this every night, for months at a time.

"The only thing that matters is the quality and care of work you put out into the world." -Craig Mod

I thought about my friend

Will Mannon

, who has been learning and practicing Chinese every day for years. He has a YouTube channel where he's recorded over 1,000 videos, most over an hour long, most with less than 10 views, of him just speaking Chinese. He now lives in China and is doing daily comedy stand-up open mics in Chinese.

I thought about my friend

Charlie Bleecker

, who has been writing her newsletter for over five years without missing a single week, and is now in the midst of writing her memoir, reading dozens of memoirs a year and talking about them in her podcast.

As I wrote, conviction is a way of being, an operating system. But I think the way this operating system is installed on our minds is by having a clear vision of the life we want to live.

This is where my sea of doubts begin.

Vision

The approach I've learned for setting a vision is to write or think about your ideal reality in rich detail, imagining not only your circumstances but also your emotional state, and to think about this vision in the present—as if you were already living in this vision.

I've written and meditated about what this vision should look like for me. It's different every time. Each iteration feels like I'm in the movie "Everything Everywhere All at Once." I'm transported through multiple scenes: An onsen in Japan, a remodeled cottage in Tuscany, a high-rise in New York, a vineyard in Uruguay, a vacation home in the outskirts of Bogotá. In all of these settings, writing comes into the equation, but it never looks quite the same. I'm a best-selling novelist, or moderately successful writer supported by subscribers and patrons, a journalist, a poet who unexpectedly found commercial success. It's all clear enough to reveal that writing is part of the equation, but varied enough that I can't settle as to how writing is part of the equation.

The tension remains between the idea that life is far too complex and unpredictable to have a high-definition vision versus the idea that enough clarity is necessary for movement. Visions are catalysts; if they remain merely a thought or a journal entry without activating something in you, the vision is simply not compelling enough.

Clarity is how you bridge the gap between conviction and vision.

Conviction + Vision

This is how I've married the ideas of conviction and vision in my mind:

Having a clear vision will motivate initial motion. From that initial motion, you will be both tested and rewarded. The tests are life's way to separate mere penchant from authentic purpose. The rewards are signs from the universe that persistence is not only necessary but advantageous. Navigating through the tests and rewards is what imbues you with conviction.

The outward manifestation of conviction is irrational confidence; irrational not because it doesn't make sense, but rather because it can't quite be explained. The inward manifestation of conviction is a deep feeling of alignment—authenticity made evident by the lack of tension between what you are doing and what you want to do.

As Harry Dry wrote in his latest essay about conviction³: "There is no AI prompt for conviction." It can't be automated, bought, or co-opted. This truth resonates with my own journey.

Conviction is still adrift, and the vision is shrouded by the fog. But I see an ivory glimmer in the indigo sky; a North Star that invites me to sail and test the roughness of the waters myself.

Caption: This image is inspired by the following quote by designer Saul Bass: “I just want to make beautiful things even if nobody cares,” and by the book cover of Shion Miura’s novel The Great Passage designed by Adil Dara.

1. There is a fine line between conviction and toxic inner dialogue.

2. He recorded two episodes with Tim Ferriss which cover his awesome life story and incredible commitment to living intentionally. I do not like idolizing people, but he’s made a strong impression.

3. Harry’s Essay was a big inspiration for this piece.