We’re still toddlers in this space that’s barely older than a toddler itself. I totally relate to this. It’s so easy to put so much importance and optimism in one year but we really spend our wholes lives figuring it out. At least another decade. Then we get bored, forget all this chaos and start again.
Yea, I think we are so used to narratives about life exiting in pivotal moments that maybe we use that to index on specific years. And while life does come in these moments, I have also realized that the pivotal moments don't really come whenever you want, so we always have to be ready, and negative capability is part of that readiness. At least that's what your comment is making me thing about!
Yes! That's so well said. Stories are easier told in pivotal moments so I'm sure that's where that belief comes from. "Don't really come whenever you want" *cries* exactly. I feel like many times I was like, ok now I'm ready, everything will happen now and that's just not how it plays out. Negative capability is a perfect term because the "being in uncertainties, Mysteries, doubts" feels like the big part of the journey for me but in reality I struggle with the "without any irritable reaching after fact & reason." Lots of reaching and desire for control. Always trying to move out of the uncertainty even though entrepreneurship / creative work is literally always uncertain.
I loved this, the way you describe learning to live with uncertainty instead of constantly trying to solve it or control it. The willingness to sit in that space takes a kind of patience and courage that isn’t easy to come by.
It actually reminded me of an ancient Sumerian myth I came across recently about the descent of the goddess Inanna. On her way into the underworld she had to surrender her titles, her symbols of power, and even her sense of agency before she could reach the next phase of her transformation. Your reflections brought that story to mind, that sense that what looks like regression from the outside can sometimes be a necessary descent before anything new can emerge.
Thank you for reading, Rachel! And thank you so much for sharing the Sumerian myth. I think that's a great complement to what I was trying to say here. I'm paraphrasing a bit, but that's part of what Rosalia mentioned when talking about the idea of negative capability in her interview...the surrender involved almost like an ego death, a period of deep chaos so that she could emerge an artist transformed. So I think the story you share is similar to that chaos and surrender before the transformation.
…deeply recommend a crash course in goth new wave, 70’s punk, and a harsh landing in your local experimental music scene as a pallate chaser, cleanser, starter for the epic journey you are beginning…
"So my efforts to improve my negative capability have also become a mission to lengthen my attention span, to avoid tapping out whenever I feel fear or discomfort, and to go beyond the superficial in my thoughts and appreciations of everything around me." It's a bit humorous that in the light of this incredible aim you are questioning whether you are up to or accomplishing anything worthwhile. What could be more so?
Thank you for reading friend! I know you can relate and I'm very confident that you are on your own path towards building negative capability (you already took a huge step!)
Perhaps the ultimate lesson...
Great reflection, and major respect for continuing to examine your own narrative and orientation toward circumstance.
Thank you friend! I appreciate you still being in my corner!
We’re still toddlers in this space that’s barely older than a toddler itself. I totally relate to this. It’s so easy to put so much importance and optimism in one year but we really spend our wholes lives figuring it out. At least another decade. Then we get bored, forget all this chaos and start again.
Yea, I think we are so used to narratives about life exiting in pivotal moments that maybe we use that to index on specific years. And while life does come in these moments, I have also realized that the pivotal moments don't really come whenever you want, so we always have to be ready, and negative capability is part of that readiness. At least that's what your comment is making me thing about!
Yes! That's so well said. Stories are easier told in pivotal moments so I'm sure that's where that belief comes from. "Don't really come whenever you want" *cries* exactly. I feel like many times I was like, ok now I'm ready, everything will happen now and that's just not how it plays out. Negative capability is a perfect term because the "being in uncertainties, Mysteries, doubts" feels like the big part of the journey for me but in reality I struggle with the "without any irritable reaching after fact & reason." Lots of reaching and desire for control. Always trying to move out of the uncertainty even though entrepreneurship / creative work is literally always uncertain.
I loved this, the way you describe learning to live with uncertainty instead of constantly trying to solve it or control it. The willingness to sit in that space takes a kind of patience and courage that isn’t easy to come by.
It actually reminded me of an ancient Sumerian myth I came across recently about the descent of the goddess Inanna. On her way into the underworld she had to surrender her titles, her symbols of power, and even her sense of agency before she could reach the next phase of her transformation. Your reflections brought that story to mind, that sense that what looks like regression from the outside can sometimes be a necessary descent before anything new can emerge.
Thank you for reading, Rachel! And thank you so much for sharing the Sumerian myth. I think that's a great complement to what I was trying to say here. I'm paraphrasing a bit, but that's part of what Rosalia mentioned when talking about the idea of negative capability in her interview...the surrender involved almost like an ego death, a period of deep chaos so that she could emerge an artist transformed. So I think the story you share is similar to that chaos and surrender before the transformation.
Yes, exactly! Sort of like the caterpillar dissolving in the chrysalis before becoming a butterfly.
yes, that's another good metaphor!
…deeply recommend a crash course in goth new wave, 70’s punk, and a harsh landing in your local experimental music scene as a pallate chaser, cleanser, starter for the epic journey you are beginning…
Ha! Thank you sir! Seattle has an eclectic music scene so your suggestion is not that outrageous!
"So my efforts to improve my negative capability have also become a mission to lengthen my attention span, to avoid tapping out whenever I feel fear or discomfort, and to go beyond the superficial in my thoughts and appreciations of everything around me." It's a bit humorous that in the light of this incredible aim you are questioning whether you are up to or accomplishing anything worthwhile. What could be more so?
ha! fair point, Rick. Sometimes we need friends like you to just say the obvious thing that makes us say "oh, I guess you are right!" Thank you.
I needed this today!
Thank you for reading friend! I know you can relate and I'm very confident that you are on your own path towards building negative capability (you already took a huge step!)