11 Comments

If I had to rank every conversation I have shared with you on a scale of unideal to ideal, the scale would prove inadequate. The worst part of trying to control others perception of us and the fixation on being worthy of their love, is that it neglects to leave space for their narrative. And in this case my narrative for Camilo entirely rejects the word ideal. I feel so much love for you, you are delicately caring and hilarious in equal proportions, and I am so lucky to know you. I constantly tell Auston that I can’t stand that my internet friends are internet friends. I want to spend every day with them. I am the writer I am because of them, and slowly but surely, becoming the person I am because of them.

Anyways I’m done ranting. I feel every ounce of every word you just wrote and want you to know that you are loved dear friend.

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Thank you for such a sweet and thoughtful comment friend. One day we'll embrace and feel our heartbeats. Till then, pixels will do!

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“To be valued for my being, not my doing.” 🔥

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There’s no perfect, just good enough for this moment. I hope you develop more compassion and your being in the world. The irony is the people who never try to be liked end up being loved! And the people who try to be loved are not really liked. There’s a paradox there somewhere Camilo

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You are spot on, Sadia. There is a paradox there that I feel is fairly well known, but poorly explained. I'm going to think on that more.

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I've heard it described through attachment theory.. and how opposites attract. I don't know much, tbh. It's like one person is fairly attached, and the other is sort of half-there and content to stay or go. Reminds me of the Unbearable Lightness of Being by Kundera too. Can't wait to read what you think..

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If “writing is thinking”, I’m curious whether in a month’s time you feel like this piece has unlocked or liberated you (to an extent) from the people pleasing.

The honesty and self-awareness in this piece is inspiring. Well done Camilo.

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Thank you for reading, Nic! I think it has definitely unlocked something in me. We'll see if the momentum sticks!

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Loved this, Carmelo (LOL). Look, if I had received a penny every time someone screwed up my name, I'd be a billionaire now. I can relate to a lot of what you wrote in this piece. I believe yours is a "normal" human condition. We all want to be accepted, loved, and we all want to make an impact on others. In fact, we all want to make the "perfect" impact. And I was a bit like you in my early twenties (a couple of ice ages ago). Then I learned to let go. And letting go, which is not cowardice or spinelessness, is possibly the most important virtue: it signals to yourself that you've reached acceptance. Accepting that the world is a mess and imperfection reigns supreme and that we, as part of it, are the same is -- to me -- the secret of life. Thank you for sharing this.

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Love this storytelling, vulnerability, and humor. And I don't know much about the Enneagram - but, isn't everybody in the world a NO 2??!! "I’m an Enneagram 2, which means that my primary motivation is the desire to be loved, and my primary fear is not being wanted."

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Ha, you do have a good point Rick! From what I've learned about Enneagram (so far) is that some other people have the need to feel worthy, to feel safe, etc. The underlying motivations are primal and may lead to the same place, but they manifest slightly differently.

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