I think there's an important element missing mentioned here, a common factor in all these "lines": it's all about how good you feel with your friend. As in, if there's a feeling of incompleteness between you, the lines are meant to separate. Otherwise, the lines will always re-converge *effortlessly*.
I think there's an important element missing mentioned here, a common factor in all these "lines": it's all about how good you feel with your friend. As in, if there's a feeling of incompleteness between you, the lines are meant to separate. Otherwise, the lines will always re-converge *effortlessly*.
If you think about it, if it's not effortless, it's a burden at some level.
Do you want friendships that are burdens? Whenever I'm feeling a "I should really plan something with X" (rather than "My god, I must see X!"), that's a sign that that line is not meant to stay close to mine.
So, for me, there's no "what ifs". If it could have happened, it would have.
(After all that, I'm about to subscribe bc this was a really nice read -- thank you very much!)
I directionally agree with your comment. I do think that a lot of relationships can be measured with how you feel around that person.
Where I would disagree with you is that if something isn't effortless = a burden. Unless you don't mean "burden" in a negative context, I would slightly disagree. Relationships take effort. Not all effort is bad. It can become toxic when it is not reciprocated, or there is a pattern where making an effort makes you feel bad.
Here is an example: I have friends with children now. In a lot of instances, I know I have to be the one of top of the logistics, or have a little more flexibility given that their schedule is heavily dependent on their children. Finding a time to meet and an activity is not effortless, but in a lot of cases it is worth doing. After interacting with them, I feel close to them.
I think there's an important element missing mentioned here, a common factor in all these "lines": it's all about how good you feel with your friend. As in, if there's a feeling of incompleteness between you, the lines are meant to separate. Otherwise, the lines will always re-converge *effortlessly*.
If you think about it, if it's not effortless, it's a burden at some level.
Do you want friendships that are burdens? Whenever I'm feeling a "I should really plan something with X" (rather than "My god, I must see X!"), that's a sign that that line is not meant to stay close to mine.
So, for me, there's no "what ifs". If it could have happened, it would have.
(After all that, I'm about to subscribe bc this was a really nice read -- thank you very much!)
Hey Dani, thanks for reading.
I directionally agree with your comment. I do think that a lot of relationships can be measured with how you feel around that person.
Where I would disagree with you is that if something isn't effortless = a burden. Unless you don't mean "burden" in a negative context, I would slightly disagree. Relationships take effort. Not all effort is bad. It can become toxic when it is not reciprocated, or there is a pattern where making an effort makes you feel bad.
Here is an example: I have friends with children now. In a lot of instances, I know I have to be the one of top of the logistics, or have a little more flexibility given that their schedule is heavily dependent on their children. Finding a time to meet and an activity is not effortless, but in a lot of cases it is worth doing. After interacting with them, I feel close to them.
Does that make sense?
Hmm... I do mean burden in a negative context, so I wouldn't classify "efforts that you don't mind making" as "burdens"
There's also a distinction between "effort" as in "an action towards a goal" and "effort" as in "something difficult".
When I said "if it's not effortless, it's a burden" I meant "if it's difficult, it's a burden"
Having flexibility or making plans to meet our friends may take effort, but if it doesn't feel like efforting, it's not a burden in my book
All in all, I think we have pretty much the same opinion 😇 So yeah, what you said does make sense to me, our definitions are just a lil mismatched!